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WRITTEN WORK - diaries![]() |
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1. Taking as granted the prevailing conditions and priorities in Cyprus at this point in time we can conclude that for the creation of a symphonic orchestra and development of music on the island of Cyprus, we must get draw resources from the international music scene. That is to say, since there are not Cypriot musicians of calibre to participate in this orchestra and as there is not adequate interest by the Cypriot audience to contribute towards the viability of this orchestra then such an orchestra must earn its keep in the international music scene. For participation in the international music arena, it is self evident that the orchestra must have the necessary calibre (which in the international music arena also implies the availability of funding), because without calibre neither conductors nor soloists, record labels, TV stations or other media production companies will be attracted it, to facilitate the existence of this orchestra. For [the creation of] such a successful orchestra funding will have to be “wasted” on it. |
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3. One must be too naïve as Mozart was to have the ability to create such beauty in a world of repulsiveness. Beauty, or the sense of beauty is part of human nature. I mean, when man remains within the framework as dictated by basic human needs, then, only by ignoring the exterior impacts of daily life, one can express the need for cultural beauty, since Art is nothing more than the harmonious sum total of collective experience. 4.1/12/83 What is it that makes humans to differ from animals? The question has been answered many times and in different ways and rightly so. But when people write literature in Penthouse magazine describing their sexual fantasies that is how they stick their dick in a woman’s pussy then one must wonder. Because these very same people are those who vote for the [governing] idiots or should I say servants? And the masters have the same problem. Are we condemned in the same way as the dinosaurs; has the planet’s environment been presented to the human species like a cheap whore? Have we conquered the secrets of nature before developing intellectually in a corresponding manner? And we have conquered these secrets easily as they were offered to us by the very nature of our planet. If it were harder to tame the planet’s nature then perhaps we would have more respect towards it; but who has respect for a whore?
5. Yet reading and writing possess an unsurpassed quality. The very fact that one can condense meanings and ideas and that these can be formulated in any way one wishes, is in itself enough proof that writing as a reflection of reality transforms reality itself into a different reality through the act [of writing] which is itself further transformed through thought. Not to be misconstrued, the starting point is always reality, not thought.
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7. I am not Beethoven writing the will of Heiligenstad. Nor am I Trotsky who became a “martyr” striving “against the stream” while feeding his rabbits somewhere in Mexico. Nor am I the ill and vacillating Lenin who – having accomplished his mission – used to write his legacy in the form of letters to the conference of the party he once founded. I am Nicolas Economou who could depart from this world quietly without disturbing a single soul – without a parting letter or a will. Yet, for as long as I live, I do not cease to be human being. And as long I am a human being I cannot find any justification for my existence unless I have contributed towards continuity, i.e. to what I am and to those that are close to me, especially my daughter. The reasons why I do not wish to live are interpretable and, ultimately, very simple. Those little passions that constitute the motor for survival are alien to me. They have been foreign to me from the very beginning. In other words, I have lived in a world that was never there, but should be there. I am not so daft as not to realize this fact. But having arrived at this realization, I am left with no other option but to make a move-“forward”! The difference between myself and Lenin, or whomever, is precisely this: I posses no little passions. I am, therefore, the offspring of decadence, brought about by your petty egotisms. ‘One against all’ is a ridiculous situation where one suddenly suspects one is being egotistical. But of course! I have always known this and tried not to be egotistical (perhaps at times I have even achieved it who knows?) It is not “strength” that made me strong but “weakness”. The dialectic of egotism = rule of the jungle. An alleged toughness or intelligent utterance, a supposed humanism etc. A transition stage from animal to human. I was never poor enough to the point where a piece of bread was precious. That is why I was hungry. I was well off for the very same reason that I was hungry. I possessed something you [ruling class] did not, so you kept giving me with one hand and took it back with the other. You nurtured me in the same way you would a cow that gives milk; when there is no more milk the cow is slaughtered. You [ruling class] are such animals just like the scoundrels you reproach. Your saving grace is that you plea unawareness of such deeds. Anyway, don’t get me started on this…. I have left things [above] unfinished. I could not bear to go on. I lacked discipline; and (please excuse me) the appropriate egotism. Let my works be testimony to this effect, if anyone cares to study them. OCT 88
8. 3.1.1988
9. The saints have no affection for the common folk; they have affection for God. That is why they have no expectations from others. The egotists, in their turn love no one and expect nothing from others; they are strong. For both egotists and the Saints, people do not exist (and thus they do not exist themselves either). A person that loves expects to receive love in return. When one gives back less than one takes, it is easier to be strong. Saints are closely linked to what I shall call a “general concept” [God] to gain power, and in this they are preferable to the egotists. But a person that is really “strong” would be one that takes upon himself the full burden of responsibility without God around. But this under normal circumstances is an abnormal state of affairs. Because we should complement each other and no one should bear the other man’s burden. But could we do that within a system that drives a wedge between people forcing them to scrapple over the crumbs and leftovers of the oligarchy? So, whoever takes on the responsibility for their fellow man, in the end becomes a saint himself? |